Sunday, December 19, 2004

india-pakistan - addlepated rant masquerading as practical suggestions.

so gogo and me, inspired by the most recent DVD haul from Pakistan were wondering on how to take practical steps to ensure that the new found Indian and Pakistani 'bhaichara' works to the benefit of the people of both countries, withut anyone getting feelings of economic inferiority or cultural superiority or vice versa or worse vices -

presenting
The India-Pakistan division of labour(and sports, and culture) to ensure peace, harmony and greater co-prosperity... (references to Japanese misadventures entirely unintended...)

- We (Indians) make the movies. They (Pakistanis) make the music...
for while we have been listening to endless baby doll remixes, Jhankaar beats and and Daler pa-ji; they have a popular music culture which has spawned Nusrat, Junoon, Fuzon, Strings, Abida, Pappu Sain...
Honorable exceptions - Sabiha Sumar (Khamosh Pani); Rabbi Shergill...

Television - can we just outsource all our sattelite tv programming to Lahore and Karachi, please! Kahaan 'dhoop kinare'... kahaan Ekta Kapur and her endless K's...

- Pirate DVDs - no doubts. Pakistan wins this one. Alll of Wong Kar Wai, for eighty rupees a disc at Hall Road, Lahore. Palika Bazaar has a lot of catching up to do, and a lot of rates to be reduced...

- The Pakistanis should continue playing hockey. We should stick to kabbadi.
(you want us to divide cricket? are you crazy? or do you just want us to be lynched?)

- Urban 'Renewal'. All urban renewal and conservation projects being done anywhere in India should be handed over to the guys responsible for the way Lahore is, and the way you fall in love with it after one visit. what a beaatifully kept city! the canal, food street, the badshahi restaurant lit up at night...

- Drugs. Sorry guys. Malana Cream (Indian) is just so much smoother than whatever Afghani hash it is that floods Pakistan.

- Booze. Divided
Murree Beer is excellent. it makes Kingfisher go, and well, look for fish! However,
Vodka. Guys on the other side, give up that rotgut Boskaya now! and import Smirnoff, Made in India!
And Bosca Wine!

Democracy/Dictatorship - (since politics is a very profitable economic activity) -

Tough call. needed a creative solution.

Since Bal Thackeray and his ilk are always carping about fluttering the Indian flag at Attock, let's send our Maratha warrior to a cushy governorship of the North West Fronier Province, or if you like, Pakhtoonkhwa... wonder what the Mutahida Majlis e Amal will make of Mr. Thackeray, and vice versa...

since the Pakistanis are always complaining of having to little democracy, why don't we just send them the true exemplar of Indian democracy, Laloo Prasad Yadav, to rule from Islamabad? Six months...

.., and wonder what happens when six months of military rule and a little benign autocracy meet Bihar?

General Musharraf, up for it?








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