Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The 10 Commandements of Quizzing

In the process of shifting out, in the middle of excavating the many tons of paper that I have not only managed to acquire, but have carted over five different abodes in the past eight years, I found a single piece of paper, which carried The Ten Commandments of Quizzing, written by 'Marcus' Pant (aka the 'man who isn't here'), and me, almost eight full years ago.

K has been insisting that I find them (he refers to this here), and well, they have been found.

I post them here with a certain fondness. In memory of the geeky, (uber geeky, if you will) eighteen nineteen year olds we used to be ; and how important the culture of quizzing was, and continues to be to our beings. In March/April this year, on a Satruday night when the man who isn't there usually was there for once, the four of us sat and asked each other questions, and got wildly excited when we got the answers, much to the amusement of the one (rather pretty) lady who was our solitary audience and hence, designated scorekeeper. 'You're such geeks' she said, as she passed out, drunk, after taking a photo of the four of us with three laptops and one zip drive, quizzing away on a Saturday night while drinking Scotch whiskey and Peach flavoured vodka. We didn't, of course, pay any attention. (Refer to Commandment no. 10)

The 10 Commandments of Quizzing (circa 1998-99)

1) Thou shalt never refuse free food.

2) If free food is not available to thee, thou shalt find sucker to pay for it.

3) Thou shalt read the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius (and try, as far as possible, not to implement any of that nonsense in thy 'life'.)

3a) Thous shall try, as far as possible, not to have a life in which anything can be implemented.

4) Thou shalt make obnoxious comparisons of 'The Outsider' and 'The Cathcer in the Rye' to near complete strangers in the U-Special.

5) If thou art getting thy ass fucked in the preliminaries, tho shalt 'Share and Care' with thy neighbours.

6) If thou art not getting thy ass fucked, thou shalt pretend no other team exists.

7) Thou shalt, whenever possible, commit adultery (Ditch thy Partner).

8) If thy knowest not the answer, thou shalt fudge.

9) Thou shalt not pass, even at the risk of looking like the fool thou already art.

10) Thou shalt never treat any quizzer with the prize money, unless the quizzer is female, pretty and patao-able.

(Notes to 10 - Most quizzers are Bong males, and this is their idea of competitive macho sports. It is very hard to find non-Bong men quizzers, auratein to door ki baat hain. Given the general run of quizzer aestehtic presentability, a pretty woman quizzer is not just a rare species, but an endangered one. And any intelligent, attractive woman would be smart enough never to go around with a geekozoid male quizzer - so what the 10th commandment actually meant/means is that You're doomed to a life of loneliness quiz-boy, enjoy your money.)

(Further notes to 10 - How heteronormative were we?)

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