undone by each

Perhaps, rather, one mourns when one accepts that by the loss one undergoes one will be changed, possibly for ever. Perhaps mourning has to do with agreeing to undergo a transformation (perhaps one should say submitting to a transformation) the full result of which one cannot know in advance. There is losing, as we know, but there is the transformative effect of loss, and this latter cannot be charted or planned... Let's face it. We're undone by each other. And if we're not, we're missing something.

-- Judith Butler, Precarious Life